Who remembers 1981, when some schizo breached Buckingham palace security and sneaked into Queen Elizabeth's bedroom? She successfully negotiated the delicate encounter, but you can imagine what went on with security, and soon, with the whole country. They bulldogged through with British dignity, and I was reminded of A.A. Milne's The King's Breakfast, which I print here, because you need it to understand what I later wrote. Milne first (sorry, missing its wonderful sketches and can't do the spacing):
The King asked The Queen, and
The Queen asked The Dairymaid:
Could we have some butter for The Royal slice of bread?"
The Queen asked The Dairymaid,
The Dairymaid Said, "Certainly,
I'll go and tell The cow
Now Before she goes to bed."
The Dairymaid She curtsied,
And went and told The Alderney:
"Don't forget the butter for The Royal slice of bread."
The Alderney Said sleepily:
"You'd better tell His Majesty
That many people nowadays
Like marmalade Instead."
The Dairymaid Said, "Fancy!"
And went to Her Majesty;
She curtsied to the Queen, and She turned a little red:
"Excuse me, Your Majesty,
For taking of The liberty,
But marmalade is tasty, if It's very
Thickly
Spread."
The Queen said "Oh!"
And went to His Majesty:
"Talking of the butter for The Royal slice of bread,
Many people Think that
Marmalade Is nicer.
Would you like to try a little
Marmalade
Instead?"
The King said, "Bother!"
And then he said, "Oh, dear me!"
The King sobbed "Oh deary me!"
And went back to bed.
"Nobody," He whimpered,
"Could call me A fussy man;
I only want A little bit
Of butter for My bread."
The Queen said, "There, there!"
And went to The Dairymaid.
The Dairymaid Said, "There, there!" And went to the shed.
The cow said, "There, there!
I didn't really Mean it:
Here's milk for his porringer And butter for his bread."
The Queen took The butter
And brought it to His Majesty:
The King said, "Butter, eh?"
And bounced out of bed.
"Nobody," he said, As he kissed her
Tenderly,
"Nobody," he said, As he slid down the banisters,
"Nobody, My darling,
Could call me A fussy man--
BUT--
I do like a little bit of butter to my bread!"
I'm exhausted from typing all that out, but back to the adult story in The Crown, interpreted by me at the time:
THE QUEEN'S NIGHTCAP
The Duke asked The Prince, and
The Prince asked The bodyguard:
"Have you caught a stranger in The bedroom of the Queen?"
The body guard said "I resign!"
Security Said, "Certainly.
We'll get to Mrs. Thatcher
Before she makes a scene."
A spokesman Conferred with
The press and other Media,
Issuing a statement Avoiding the obscene:
"Friday at ten
An intruder was Discovered
Entering the bedroom of Her Majesty
The Queen.
The Queen said "Bother!"
And then she said "Oh deary me!
What's all the fuss about A stranger on my bed?
Philip hasn't been there in A quarter of a century:
Can't I share A nightcap
With another man Instead?"
The Duke said "You're bragging, dear,'
The chap was just A commoner."
The Queen snapped, "Fitting!
Since I'm King Edward's niece!
All we meant To do was
Ring for a Cigarette--
Think of our Embarrassment
At seeing The police!"
Security said "Oh!
You'll have to tell the populace."
The Queen said "Fancy!"
And turned a little red.
"Nobody," she said As she waved from the Balcony,
"Nobody," she said, As she stepped to the microphones,
"Nobody, " she whimpered,
"Could call me Promiscuous--
BUT
I do like a little bit of company in bed!"
Comments